Stuffed Portabella Mushrooms

Normally I would write the recipe first, but, as this was a negative experience for my family, I will spare yours.

I was at the grocery store, browsing the produce section, when I saw portabella mushrooms on sale. I love mushrooms, and I thought it would be nice to make a meatless meal during the week so I thought this was a great choice. I have never had portabella mushrooms, but baby bellas are my favorite. On the way home, I was trying to recall TV cooking shows that used these and decided to attempt stuffed portabella mushrooms.

In hind sight, I should have looked up a recipe, but I thought, "It would be so easy!" I preheated the oven to 350 and sliced some tomatoes and got out shredded mozzarella. I take out the portabellas. A voice in my head tells me, "Shane doesn't like mushrooms." Then a memory of Olivia saying, "Yuck! I don't like mushrooms!" when we gave her spaghetti sauce with mushrooms. Hmm. Juliana will try everything, and Gabriella won't try anything, so we're down to me and Juliana. I had bought 5 mushrooms.

"No worries," I tell myself. "I will cover them up with cheese and no one will know what they are eating!" (Yeah, right...) I clean the tops of the mushrooms with a wet paper towel. The gills of the mushroom look so black I decide to run them under some water. (DO NOT DO THIS) I layer mushroom, cheese, tomato, cheese, then sprinkle with salt, pepper, Italian seasoning and olive oil. I put in the oven.

My stomach is growling and the girls are telling me they are hungry every thirty seconds. Olivia keeps asking me for cantaloupe. After only five minutes I take them out of the oven, before the cheese is melted. I put some more cheese on top (bad idea) and pop them one at a time into the microwave for 30 seconds each. The cheese is still not melted all the way, but the mushrooms are steaming hot. I figure it's good enough, and I cut the mushrooms up into bite size pieces. Shane is working the night shift, so he gets to miss this meal. The rest of us, however, do not. I serve a piece of bread with each stuffed mushroom. Gabriella eats the inside of her bread and asks for another. I eat her crust.

Olivia asks, "What is the black stuff?"
I tell her, "It's a vegetable that's really good for you so eat it."
She says, "It looks yucky."
Juliana says, "Ew, gross!" C'mon Juliana, you were the one I was counting on to eat it!
I say, "It's just tomatoes, cheese and vegetables. You will not get any cantaloupe unless you eat it!"

Then I try mine. As I cut into it, brown water runs out and the tomato separates from the mushroom. I'm assuming due to the shower I gave them. The cheese closest to the mushroom is melted but the cheese on top is still cold. I'm basically eating cold shredded mozzarella with a watery tomato and watery mushroom.

The girls have finished their bread and are now asking for cantaloupe. I say, "At least eat your tomatoes."
Olivia persists, "Can you take all the brown stuff off my plate?"
"Fine," I say. I didn't really expect her to eat it anyway. I am happy to see Juliana has at least taken a bite of her mushroom without complaint.
"Can I be excused?" asks Olivia. I notice she ate her tomato but left the cheese which has been colored brown from the watery mushroom.
"Just one more bite," I say. I spoon some brown cheese into her mouth and release her.
"Can I be excused?" asks Juliana. I see she hasn't eaten a second bite of anything but I let her go after she ate more tomato.
Gabriella just follows her. I don't object.

I finish just enough of my undercooked dinner so that I don't feel guilty for wasting it. Then I have some cookies.